Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 615
Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.
It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".
And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.
If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.
When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you.
I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.
They just opened a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks.
LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.