Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 714
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.
You got Dracula - a wooden stake; Wolfman - a silver bullet. But little boys, a belt. But I've been stripped of my weapons. Wait a minute. I don't need a belt.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
It was fun because, after shooting, Will and I would eat a jar of pickles and tell each other secrets. It was so much fun!
I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.
I've been married four years now and it's getting pretty serious.
You might be a redneck if your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things, people start to mimic it on some level. That’s why you go back to the guys you loved in the 80s… and it just seems tired now, because it was all foundation.
Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.