Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 741
Nostradamus, who predicted he would never get a dinner! Never got a dinner!
Fall in love with what you do for a living. I don't care what it is. It works.
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!
Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.
Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible, it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it's done. And by the time you get it in, it's done and you're sitting there reading it, and you realize the 12,000 things you didn't do. I mean, writing isn't fun. It's never been fun. It's momentum, and once you get the momentum going, that's great, but it's a brutal experience in many, many ways. And when you're done, people tell you "Well, gee, I'm not interested." "Great, I'm glad I sat down and wrote this!"
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
Thousand points for everybody! Usually a thousand, but for you, nine ninety-nine! Nine ninety-nine! I'm giving the points away, only nine ninety-nine! I'm craaaazy!
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.
I'm going back out on the road. I love it, but I do need the money. It's a very safe high for me.