Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 772
If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.
Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a "failed jobs program."
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. an antler got stuck in my throat.
One of these days I'm going to bite you and I'm gonna get very, very sick.
Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn't trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity.
When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.
On respect for the Queen: When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed.
I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!
Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.
White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!
It's always great to get word that you've been picked up for another season, ... We're really hitting our stride and have great story lines already mapped out for next year.