Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 804
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes out into the wilderness and gets poision ivy, and comes back and I have to treat him then he will find out how much sick people get charged.
If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.
That's why the have the programmes presented by 45 guys; "Hi I'm Ted, I'm Bob, I'm Ralph, I'm Dick, I'm Dale, I'm Nick, I'm Will", and they keep changing all the angles of the camera. "I'm over here, I'm at this desk, I'm standing here" and Wendy comes up from under the desk with the financial weather.
Tom Cruise shouldn't try to win Oscars. He should just smile and kick people in the face and leave the acting to Hugh Jackman. Why Hugh Jackman? I dunno; come up with your own example, smart-ass.
I've been absolutely furious for no reason lately. Maybe I'll feel better if I find a good psychiatrist and beat him to death.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
To every race of people in here tonight that whitey has jacked up, I sincerely apologize - for taking your land, for the abuse, for the torture, for the small pox blanket, for the Jim Crow laws. Black people, I apologize for Kramer.