Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 813
I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.
Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?
1st of December, World Aids Day….I don’t think it’ll ever take off like Christmas.
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
I don't blame my parents for my dysfunctions... I blame their parents.
If you’re dating someone that says they’ve “got their priorities in order” that’s code for, “I’m spiraling out of control.”
Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.
I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.