Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 882
There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.
My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.
When a bird gets sucked into an engine they call it "bird strike". It's not bird strike, it's "engine suck"!
But if that's what you want to be, that's what you will be - as long as you study.
At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?' 'Oh, honey - that's up to mommy, isn't it?'
You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.
Couldn't we have just sent Saddam a mad cow burger and a Paxil and been done with it in, like, '03?
We need porno for guys like me. $2.99, I don’t need the whole $12.99. Hell, I never get to the second scene. It’s always better. “Oh shit! I should of waited. She’s got bigger titties. Shit! There’s twins!”
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
I was wondering if Circuit City could possibly make their receipts just a little bit longer.