Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 909
I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.
Hey baby, are you being followed?.. Because I’ve been seeing people behind your back.
The ones that bother me the most are the media saying, "He's like the next Bill Hicks." It's supposed to be complimentary, but then all these Bill Hicks fans show up thinking you're going to be like him, and then go, "You're no Bill Hicks." And I'm like, "I never wanted to try to be like him, I don't think I'm anything like him at all, and now you're mad at me for not being him because a journalist didn't have a better reference."
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.
You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage.
The only reason I did "Showtime" was Robert De Niro. I definitely consider him to be in the top 5 all time actors.
You might be a redneck if you've sat on the toilet until your legs fell asleep.
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.