Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 910
Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.
All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.
If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’ get frustrated and go away.
I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.
Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with the spill because the Dutch have the world's best dikes. So let me get this straight. It is OK to cover lesbians in oil but you just can't let them get married.
I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage. You get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on.
I thought comedy would be the hardest thing I could do, and if I could do that, I could do anything.
I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
It is our swan song, and winning kind of symbolizes the closure at the end, and I miss it already. I'm gonna go bawl now.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.