Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 219
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, "I have a problem with procrastination, too." I said "Really?... Get my sandwich."
They strip search you in jail. Dudes sit in the booth and looks up my ass. Right away I’m thinking, "What in the world am I going to put up my ass that I'm gonna use again?" Like I’m supposed to get inside. "All right. Who wants gum?"
I like white women. That’s why I can’t hate white men. Because we need them for breeding. Sometimes I’m hanging with the brothers, and they get a little militant on me. They’re like, “Kill Whitey!” I’m like, “Slow down. Let’s think this through now.”
I didn't do real well. I bombed. Something inside me told me to keep trying because I had nothing to lose. I gave it another shot, and I still bombed, but I got one laugh. And that laugh gave me encouragement to continue for the next seven years.
That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.
Men can’t buy makeup. So they have to buy something else. It’s called a Porsche.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.