Quotes & Jokes by Flight of the Conchords


I'm not crying, its just been raining... on my face.

2 minutes in heaven is better than 1 minute in heaven.

Let's get in a cab. I'll buy you a kebab. Now I can't believe I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. With a kebab.

They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers. But what's the real cost 'cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper. Why are we paying so much for sneakers when they're made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?

There ain't no party like my nana's tea party.

You’re so beautiful like a tree or a high class prostitute.

"You need to work on your people skills." "Shut up, Bret."

A kiss is not a contract, but its very nice. Just because you've been exploring my mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition for the south.

Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?

I'm the Hippopotamus, my lyrics are bottomless!

You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business. That's why they're called business socks. It's business, it's business time.

Other rappers diss me. Say my rhymes are sissy. What, what, what, why, why, why? Be more constructive with your feedback.

Just want to do something special, for all the ladies of the world, and the girls... Carribean... Parisian... Bolivian... Eastern Indochinian... Reptilian... Presbyterian.

My friend just told me he thought I was easily offended. I just can't believe he said that.

Making love… making love for… making love for two… making love for two minutes. When you’re with me, girl, you only need two minutes, because I’m so intense.