Quotes and Jokes by Steve Martin

Stephen Glenn Martin is an American actor, comedian, writer, filmmaker, and musician. Martin came to public notice in the 1960s as a writer for The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and later as a frequent guest on The Tonight Show.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 188)

#1

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

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#2

Some people have a way with words, and other people... oh, uh, not have way.

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#3

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress.

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#4

You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny.

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#5

Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! (audience repeats) I promise to be unique! (audience repeats) I promise not to repeat things other people say! (audience repeats, laughs) Good!

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#6

Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer.

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#7

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

109
#8

And don't forget to fasten your condoms! Seatbelts, I mean seatbelts.

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#9

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

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#10

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, "Hey, mind if I smoke?" I always say, "No. Mind if I fart?"

63
#11

Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

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#12

Always... no wait... never...

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#13

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

55
#14

The banjo is such a happy instrument - you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

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#15

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

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