Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 355
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward...
I heard the other day of a man who paid a psychologist $50 to cure him of an inferiority complex – and later was fined $25 and costs for talking back to a traffic cop.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Well it`s been a few years now and I`ve done some crazy stuff, you know... but I reconnected with what made me famous, with that show and that family, and I went back to my stand-up where I can be myself completely.
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.
Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.
The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is ''what should be.'' Now, if you're taught to live up to a ''what should be'' that never existed - only an occult superstition, no proof of this ''should be'' - then you can sit on a jury and indict easily, you can cast the first stone, you can burn Adolf Eichmann, like that!