Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 452
The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.
I’m not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.
I wanted to do something different, but it`s a weird transition you`re making here. You`re trying to get the audience to come with you.
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.