Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 478
The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.
All I did was tell the truth. That's is what the whole show is about! And if "Politically Incorrect" has to go down for it, so be it!
Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.
I rewrote it and I took all your notes. Read it again, that kind of persistence paid off.
You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.
When my woman kisses me I start dancing like James Brown. Ow! I Feel Good!
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?