Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 534
This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.
There are no fights in Ireland, people just get so drunk they go, "Goddamn, ya sonofabitch!" and pass out. And there's no Alcoholics Anonymous there, because if there's a meeting, it's always at the bar.
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
Once you succeed at something it’s hard to keep it fresh and exciting so you have to keep challenging yourself. You have to be a moving target or it won’t work.
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."
In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. That's a pretty good summer for us in Wales. That's a hosepipe ban waiting to happen. I was eight before I realised you could take a kagoule off
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
I never thought I'd be a comedian. But, growing up, I simply loved watching comedy. The '80s was huge for comedy in the US. Eddie Murphy blew me away with his film Delirious.
I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.
A friend of mine had his own theatre company, and he jumped me in like I was in a gang. And once I came in, it was just that simple. For the first time in my life, I felt, 'This is a career, this is a life that I think I can grow old doing.' It was love at first sight. I loved being on stage and reading these plays. It was great.