Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 644
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
And y'know, they're God's representatives, so that means... God fucks little boys.
Why did the Articles of Confederation fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.
You might be a redneck if you have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Some of those heckling parts are just great on their own plus they happened at that moment so we had to include it.
Having a gang-bang in Scotland in the winter is like playing Pass The Parcel: there's that many layers!
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up!
The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attached with a glue gun. I couldn't believe how much there was, and wondered how he had never heard of scissors, or - more appropriate for that kind of growth - hedge trimmers. I didn't understand what porn he was watching to not be aware of the trimming that was happening all across the world among his compatriots. I'm not a finicky person when it comes to pubic hair maintenance and I certainly don't expect men to shave it all off, leaving themselves to look like a hairless cat. That's even creepier then than seeing what Austin had, which could really only be compared to one thing: A clown in a leg lock.