Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 794
Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.
"Go have boys' night out" really means "I'll stay home and touch my clit."
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
My mother was an authority on pigsties. This is the worst looking pigsty I've ever seen in my life.
The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
My girlfriend called me because one of our other friends is getting married. So, they told me I had to pitch in for a male stripper. I said, 'You out your damn mind. I ain't payin' for no naked-ass man.' I mean, you think about it - women? We really don't have to pay to see that. I mean, really - we spend most of our time trying not to see that.
Wouldn't it be great if people were the same in bed as they are in every day life? When Mark Spitz gets done, does he do a flip off the headboard and come back for another lap? 'Gee, Nadia, that was perfect! That full twisting dismount wasn't bad either, babe!'
Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, Diarrhea."
You might be a redneck if you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.
We had problems like all families but we had a lot of love. I was extremely loved. We always felt we had each other.
My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.