Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 811

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.

Black culture is a fight. We want to hold on to what we are, but sometimes the things that we are can be totally negative. You have to think: can't we try something new and not be seen as suspect?

Well, excuuuuuse me!!!

If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

New York is great though. If you're here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Last night my wife and I had an amazing, simultaneous panic-attack.

Growing up in the '60s and the '70s, things certainly seemed more simplistic and easier to digest.

I can't just say the words, do a lot of one-liners. I love each person I play; I have to be that person. I have to do him true.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my nightgown.

Remember when I met you on the high seas Cynthia how coy you were. You tried to get away from me and what a fight you put up. You bent four of my harpoons.

Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.

I don't blame my parents for my dysfunctions... I blame their parents.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: "As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward."