Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 853

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

In Australia you can buy a cheese called ‘coon cheese’, did you hear what I said, ‘coon cheese’!!

Your body just said no to pie. It’s not going to say yes to puke.

People come up to us and ask how we knew so much about their own family... I'm talking about people from faraway places, too. I get people from Turkey and Chile coming up to me and saying I wrote about their family.

My horoscope was so depressing today, it included a list of poisons.

Ebony and Ivory. No more racism now. That one’s done.

Men don't hear women.

The right-wing papers in Britain, they loved it because they could sell all the newspapers. "You frenchy, froggy, froggy, frenchy. Our lovely beefy. You frenchy, froggy, frenchy". This was a Times editorial piece.

Boy, am I glad to get rid of that fucking Mother Teresa.

Tourists - have some fun with New York's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitch-hiking."

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

You might be a redneck if you prefer car keys to Q-tips.