Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 994
In a Scottish opera, it ain't over 'till the fat lady bitch-slaps you.
US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.
There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.
I would have sex with a 17 year old boy. But the only problem is most of them still live at home with their mama. And I am too old to be sneaking into a bitch’s house to have sex with her son on a twin bed. Do you know how hard it is to have sex on a twin bed? To try to keep your balance on a bed with some Star Wars sheets on it?
You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.
Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.
If you're 1 of the 3 girls in pics with a greaseball whose arms are around you at a club you lose at life. If you're the greaseball you win.
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!
My thinking is, if we're setting out to make comedy in which nothing is off limits, then everybody is fair game.
I’ll tell you what’s better than watching the sunrise… Sleeping through it.
In a movie like this, the relationship between the two guys is crucial. It sinks or swims on how these two guys are together. I think we did a good job.