Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 994
Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!
Life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.
I watched the American Music Awards last night. Beyonce lost in all three of her categories, but she did win a special award - which was our way of saying we still love you but we need to see other people.
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
Your boyfriend worked your vagina like Rocky worked that side of beef for 45 minutes. A little blood is well within reason.
Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.
It takes time though for owners and trainers to invest that additional purse money to start cultivating that better racing product.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.
US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.
I figured out years ago that the human species is totally fucked and has been for a long time. I also know that the sick, media-consumer culture in America continues to make this so-called problem worse. But the trick, folks, is not to give a fuck. Like me. I really don't care. I stopped worrying about all this temporal bullshit a long time ago. It's meaningless.