Quotes & Jokes about Doctors / page 2
Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver.
The most popular Valentine’s Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you’re going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
My girlfriend likes to play doctor, so I make her say "Ahhhh" then charge her $700.
My girlfriend likes to play doctor. So I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh, leave off dairy." What kind of blanket sweep is that? "And no more happiness! Away with you!"
Doctors don't cure shit! They don't cure shit! The last disease doctors cured was polio, when's the last time you met someone with polio?
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, "Are you sure it’s a chest cold?" Never got a dinner!
When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham.'
The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me except that I have a slight stomach pain. Wait till I get my hospital bill! Then I'll really have a pain the stomach!