Quotes & Jokes about Doctors / page 3

Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

A doctor was telling me a lot of people aren't getting their kids circumcised. How many people aren't doing it? I'm not looking to be a trendsetter when it comes to my kid's penis. I don't want my kid to be the only guy in the locker room with a schlong that looks like it's about to rob a bank.

Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.

The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

To be diagnosed was the hardest thing because I didn't know what they were talking about... And the doctor said, "Don't worry, in three months you'll know." So I went about my business and then, one day, it jumped me. I couldn't get up... Your muscles trick you; they did me.

Somewhere in the world is... The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White House. Well, second lowest. Dick Cheney got his down to zero a couple of times.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I usually meet people at my doctors' offices because I go all the time. It's embarrassing. Like at the skin doctor last week, in the lobby, the nurse said, 'Hi Mr. Lewis. Do you still have that rash on your behind?'

Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger.