Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 215
I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.
Everybody I know is bizarrely beautifully fucked up in some way.
Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?
Common sense dictates the term "hot fudge sundae" has a totally different meaning in prison.
I'd walk into the school, smell that institutional smell of the tomato soup, peanut butter, disinfectant, and boys room. Pass the lunchroom, see the familiar lunchroom lady with the white dress and net on her hair. At the end of 50 years of distinguished service the Board of Education gives her a bronze net – with her name on it. It stems from the Board of Education rule to keep her hair out of the food.
I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.
Republicans have become the party of red, white and blue rose colored glasses. By drowning out criticism with USA! USA!, they prevent this country from healing itself where it needs healing, and that is the opposite of Country First.
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.