Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 257
My family wasn’t very religious. On Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.
Old peoples' skin sags because it's being pulled toward the underworld.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
I just want to put some positive stuff out there. If it works, great. If it doesn't, no problem.
I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, "How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask."
I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say "Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it." I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here...
Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.
I spit on education. No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better.