Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 301
You're looking good today Bret. Very hot…hotter than Jemaine . You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.
If you like strange, specific stuff - that's a nerd. Kanye West is a black nerd. He likes strange, specific stuff. If you go up to Kanye West and say, 'Hey, what are your favorite things?' He'll be like, 'Robots and teddy bears.' That's a nerd.
When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'
My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
You try to pretend like you're paying attention to your family, but in the meantime, you're like "Grandma, can you pass the gravy? I'm open!"
Big news on CNN, a search has uncovered illegal biochemical agents, toxins and other dangerous substances. Not in Iraq, in Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet.
Kim Kardashian is single again. Hey, great. Maybe that will give the NBA players something to do during the lockout.
Just me onstage with a mike having an intimate relationship with the audience. I don't get nervous for that. I just get excited.
When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.
If I know your sexuality within the first thirty-seconds of meeting you, you're fucking annoying.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.