Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 396
Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.
I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.'
We exhaust ourselves worrying about our health. We're obsessed with it. We worry about our health and when we worry about our health, guess what? We're not fucking healthy! We're so worried about our health that we are now the fattest group of fucks on the planet Earth! "Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I'll have to eat both!"
I know what you guys are thinking: Oh Bo, you tackle such taboo subjects, you know, is there anything off limits? Anything you don't find funny? Anything you think is too sacred to laugh at? And the truth is, there is... White people. I think we've been through enough...
White people have always shown their superiority over blacks with their feet, moving out of black neighborhoods with the fear that their kids will turn into one of them. And now, through the magic of MTV, damned if it didn't turn out that way!
President Obama was in Indonesia today, and he spent a lot of his childhood there. It was like Dick Cheney going back to visit the Death Star.
Victoria Beckham is so nasty, why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.
I took a public speaking class in college and managed to make the class laugh a little bit.
I want to do movies that I'm proud of where my kids, at some point, can see and I can feel comfortable sitting there watching it with them. And just that move people. That make people feel a little bit better about themselves when they leave the theatre.
This country is a big bloated celebrity that thinks it doesn't have to pay the cover charge.
I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
My friends, they only want to know one thing: 'Did you score? Did you score? Did you score? Did you score?' Hey, guess what - news flash, guys - a date's not a sporting event. A date's an opportunity to be in the presence of another individual and celebrate the unique-osity of that person. And no - I didn't fucking score!