Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 433
How come we got the grumpy boat of bandy-legged Puritans? How come we didn't get the Italian party boat with the cappuccino makers and the gelato machine? That was the sexy boat, man.
We did it for nine years, No. 1, and the Fox Children's Network moved it into a different direction, of the Power Rangers and other stuff.
The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.
When you grow up poor, you have to either work really hard to try and get where you want to be, or you'll just stay put.
Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out.
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
My report card always said, "Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students."
I'm a big foodie! I eat, like, three times a day... but most of all, I'm a breathie. Breathing air? That's the best thing in the world! I couldn't go two minutes without breathing.
She doesn't need a steak knife. Rona Barrett cuts her food with her tongue.
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.