Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 449
I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.
You know you're out of shape when you have a heart attack when you're watching television.
Keep your complements to yourself. I get the worst complements. “Oh, you’re Asian. I love orange chicken!” That’s not a compliment.
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
Dog Park was a blast. I love Bruce McCulloch. That was a case of the studio taking the cut away from the director, and it went from being a great movie to a shitty movie. Bruce's original cut that I saw was hilarious.
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
It's the hand job of cereals 'cause it's like, 'This is pretty good, but you know what I really want.'
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
It was like a family reunion, watching the movie. It's always a good feeling when I can get a screening for my family.
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.