Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 477
I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I've been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I'm writing jokes about my dog.
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
Every now and then, we have these little gatherings, and Leslie gets plastered. One time, I convinced her to try to fax someone a Fruit Roll-Up.
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
The comic strip is what I looked at, and it's another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behaviour, interested me.
If I'm crisp and economical in my delivery, have smooth transitions, movement and animation, and flights of fancy, that would get me an A.
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else... I never lied better.
He was in the air most of the time. On the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thing and this was his airport.
Your father loves you. But, he doesn't like you. His job is to tell you you suck and are worthless so that when you get out there on your own you don't end up sucking worthlessly. He makes you a better man so that one day you will have the strength and character to stand up to him. And give him the finger. But just pray on that day he doesn't have the strength and character to break that finger off. Ow. I thought he was sleeping.