Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 523
And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.
Onstage, I'm still wearing my fabulous, sheer dresses because I'm not that big.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?
When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.
I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.
To be honest with you, when I got into this I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.
Everywhere I go I get hair in my food. I went to a restaurant last week, two hairs in my soup, two in my lettuce. The waitress comes out and says, “Can I get you anything else?’ “Yeah, how about a comb for the salad?”
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!"
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable you in spats.
I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.
Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.