Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 727
I really enjoyed doing the book, but you don't get any reinforcement. You just sit in a room being yourself for a long time, and it's hard to get comfortable with that. The idea of getting back in there in a room with a bunch of funny people and just cranking out jokes is just really appealing to me.
You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.
You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
In his defense the alternative was a cinder block. Have you ever punched a cinder block!? Those things are made of… Cinder!
If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.