Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 892
There’s a relationship between men and their machines that goes way beyond what we can put into words. (Ironically, there’s a relationship between women and words that goes way beyond what men could ever comprehend.)
So yeah, this song, then we'll go off, then we'll come back and do another song because going off will obviously just have been fake all along and you know that now which ruins it.
There are three things Jewish people worship - God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.
I'm a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs.
As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.