Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 91
You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.
I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Did you know that if you play the New Kids On The Block record backwards, it actually sounds better.
I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida.
I have N'Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell.
The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.
The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.
Last time I was out here was not too long after 9/11, and you could not drive a car to the airport at that time. That was one of the first safety precautions: only taxis could go to the airport. Because, really, what better way of stemming the flow of Muslims to the airport than only allowing taxis?
The guy is like Honduran-German. Why would you pretend to be Mexican? I think he had that intention from the beginning that he was going to play Mexican.