Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 921
Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule.
So yeah, this song, then we'll go off, then we'll come back and do another song because going off will obviously just have been fake all along and you know that now which ruins it.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
So it's dark and the movie already started. And that first part of the movie is always some fucking cave scene and you're just like, "Can they just flashback to a beach scene for like ten god damn seconds?"
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time.
Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.