Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 924
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with.
On Joan Rivers: “Could your original face have been that much worse than that clown mask you’ve had welded on?”
I'm going to be going to a secluded spot where no one can find me - NBC prime time.
So if there are any ladies out there who fancy a little Emo action... well... I don't want to blow my own horn... Which is why I'm making this offer tonight.
"I’m glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it’s not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker."
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, "Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood".
A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
This country promised 40 acres and a mule to each slave. And they did not fulfill their promise… That feels like a motherfucka owe you money and you see them with new shit on every motherfucking day.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.