Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 944
An evangelical minister has had to resign after pictures surfaced showing him in a hot tub with two women. He claimed it was just a baptism gone terribly wrong.
The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.
When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.
Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!
I remember my wife and I used to get on plane and see everybody else with their babies. They'd be putting strollers and car seats up above, and we'd think: Oh, please Lord, don't make us go through that.
Police blog or entertainment news, it's just good to see your name in print.
It’s important to spend time with them... I want my grandchildren to be brought up the same way I raised my children.
We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"
The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
I've done 10 or 11 pilots for network television, which is ridiculous.
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.