Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 996
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Here's when you know it's really really bad, when even the hookers in Grand Theft Auto ignore your car and walk away. The hookers in the game, then you have to follow them into an alley way, smash them with a mail box and steal their floating money. That's all I do when I play Grand Theft Auto, I don't even do the missions, I kill hookers and steal that sack of floating money. What if you could go somewhere, kill a hooker and her money could just float. You don't even need to pick it up you just walk through it and your body absorbs it. Playing that game, I thought it was like watching a documentary. Very similar to life, do this you wanna try it? Shoot a cop in the face, when all the back-up comes and tries to find you, just like in the game, hide behind a dumpster for 35 seconds, they'll call off the whole god damn search.
When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.
My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.
"World War Z" is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It’s like Black Friday at the mall.
Whenever they show Arabic being spoken on TV, its usually these crazy people in these protests in the Arab world and all of them speaking this really horrish Arabic *arab accent* "Khalikokhu kha.. la la la la la FUCK AMERICA!"
It was a job; the video show was a job; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you’re pregnant. If you’re not, then let’s break up.
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.