Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 2


I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) "It's the same sex all the time.”

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

The human spirit is more powerful than any drug and that is what needs to be nourished with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them. You will do shit that even the Devil would go "dude..."

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, "Back up, I don't know how big this gets."

Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

When they named a hurricane "Hurricane Ike", I went "finally, they have the balls to name a hurricane after a crack smoking, wife beating motherfucker."

All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home.