Quotes & Jokes about Death

36 quotes

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. Buy my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

I don't wanna die tomorrow knowing that I could have had a piece of chocolate cake tonight.

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!

Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.

Our job is improving the quality of life not just delaying death.

So then, what do you believe in? Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least after death you're not nauseous.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.