Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 823
I'm a hypochondriac. Backstage, I don't sign autographs - I signed a valium for some woman.
Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don’t need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need more talk-show hosts.
I was the equivalent of a 98 pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would throw copies of Byron in my face!
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
People don't get me. I'm not miserable or depressed, I'm just anxious and occasionally agitated.
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, "I owe it all to one great part." Never got a dinner!
I think I've drawn from some of the most feminine women, like Jackie Kennedy. I am totally devastated that she's gone. She had it all.
I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.
Smut, if it's really smut, there's nothing backing it up. It's the easy way out.
There was a lot of stuff where we were doing scenes and we would bust out laughing - more on this movie than ever, where you can't finish scenes. I hope we didn't mess up the movie.
The magazine at the health food store said, "Stop Aging!" Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging...
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.