Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 186
What a curse it must be being a bisexual. Can you imagine wanting to fuck everybody you meet?!
If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?
The New York Times - but the whole country gives it that weight. It's like the Asian kid in math class. Everybody in the media cheats off The New York Times.
Eddie Murphy was the Michael Jordan of comedy. He had a full range of abilities.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
When you go through a tunnel - you're going on a train - you go through a tunnel, the tunnel is dark, but you're still going forward. Just remember that. But if you're not going to get up on stage for one night because you're discouraged or something, then the train is going to stop. Everytime you get up on stage, if it's a long tunnel, it's going to take a lot of times of going on stage before things get bright again. You keep going on stage, you go forward. Every night you go on stage.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill 'em.
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies."
They want families to come to New York and go to the theater, so the theater is all geared toward family entertainment. It's money, you know.
'The Bernie Mac Show' is my life. It's the truth, and I'm not ashamed of a minute, an hour, or a second of my life.
That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.
I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
Most drag impersonations are a drag. But everyone can like Geraldine. The secret of my success with Geraldine is that she's not a put-down of women. She's smart, she's trustful, she's loyal, she's sassy. Most drag impersonations are a drag. But women can like Geraldine, men can like Geraldine, everyone can like Geraldine.