Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 368
When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.
David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.
Cause he's driving 200 miles an hour & he don't have the luxury having his wife sitting right there telling him how to drive.
I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
You know a religion has no sense of humor, when a guy can stand up and say, ‘you know, if you commit suicide for Allah, after you die you will be met in heaven by 70 virgins,' and nobody in the room just goes, 'Ahahaha! Son of a bitch! That was great!'
I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.
When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain.
Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.
For me, this was all or nothing. I left no room for anything else. That goal was just for my own push, my own self-esteem. The fear of not being a success in my life made me push even harder.