Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 866

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me.

Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.

Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.

Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.

I've become this sort of icon for the gay community. I don't like the position.

And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

Gandhi, who went to Wendy’s and asked, "Where’s the belief?" Never got a dinner!

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

You don’t gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you’re about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, "would you like some road head?"

I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school.

Mel Gibson is losing it. I don't know how people still supporting this dude's movies like it's all good. That dude is nuts. All you gotta do is shut him down and don't support any of his movies.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.