Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 866

In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me.

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

I've become this sort of icon for the gay community. I don't like the position.

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

It's more important to put pressure in your tires than on yourself.

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "Pick up, I know you're there." And she says the same thing back, "How'd you get this new number?"

Remember that night you did that oriental cooch-cooch; the cops came and threw you in the can-can.

Ebony and Ivory. No more racism now. That one’s done.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

I grew up poor… I grew up the baby of eight kids. We grew up in a two bedroom house. Mama didn’t have to worry about a curfew. You came up late, you didn’t have a bed.