Quotes & Jokes about Halloween / page 2


Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the block egging houses with those big 'ole brown eggs. Like, you didn't have to be a detective to figure it out. 'Oh, I wonder who Tofuttied my mailbox. Is it the same evil genius who filled my bird bath with Rice Dream?'

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. "Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!"

I'm not big on Halloween. I never have been. As a kid my parents would send me out to collect for UNICEF, which just screws up the whole holiday. You're wearing a costume and people are giving you pennies and you're going, "Well, give me some candy, you fuck." And the grown-ups tell you, "Absolutely not. You've got your pennies. Now go build a village, you little shit." It still brings a tear to my eye.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.