Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Respect
Top 15 Quotes (out of 55)
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
I had this joke: "I played hide and seek; they wouldn't even look for me". To make it work better, you look for something to put in front of it: "I was so poor, I was so dumb", so this, so that. I thought, "Now what fits that joke?" Well, "No one liked me" was all right. But then I thought, "A more profound thing would be, 'I get no respect!' ".
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
I get no respect at all. I donated to a sperm bank. Now I'm the father of three puppies.
I don't get no respect. I joined Gambler's Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don't make it.
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
When I was a kid I got no respect. Every week my old man took me to the zoo. I found out he was trying to make a trade.
When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.
If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.
You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. "Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I have no idea how this kid finds a door to get out of the house in the morning. If I were you, I would waste him and start over. Now, I say that with all due respect."