Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 586
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
President Obama signed into law the repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' What does it say about us that we think gay men can handle armed combat, but can't handle marriage?
Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.
You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'm sick and tired of hearing about me.
"A national day of prayer"? Does that scare the spine out of anyone? Especially when you consider that it's all those dog-shit religions that start these fucking wars to begin with. Ninety percent of every war that's ever been fought is because of some made-up, mind control, completely fictional religion.
I read this on the Internet - did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?
I'm not saying I'm some high priestess. I do things, I'm sure, that are damaging, but it's certainly not on purpose.
I've got a big closet of scripts, and a big stack of scripts on the side of my desk, because you get a whole bunch. Nothing's going to be perfect, and I realize that; but I am a perfectionist, so you go through a lot of stuff.
I am the biggest fag hag. I love my gay male friends so much. But when I was a little girl I always wished I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys. And I am. And I should have been more specific.