Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 503
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.
My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.
When I was young, my father had a serious heart attack. He survived, but we lost our house and car. Under the Canadian Medicare system, though, we would have kept the house and car and would have just had to pay the inheritance tax.
Such a politically correct time. I used to do a lot of racial material, but then people would think I was a racist and I'm not - anymore.
Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?
It's got some heart, but it's got hard jokes. I care more about the hard jokes than the heart.
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, "No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat!" Never got a dinner!
When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.
I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.
They tell me now that SpongeBob is gay. SquarePants is not gay. Tight pants maybe. SpongeBob Hot Pants? You go, girl!