Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 826
The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as "Boy George."
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a man AIDS, and you don't have to give him any fish.
It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.
You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
If these walls could talk... you'd hear the sound of fat women saying, "Call me."
I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It’s an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.
Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?
And I think that if God did exist, he had many children. I think Jesus proves this. Jesus must be the seventh son of God. A-sus, B-sus, C-sus, D-sus, E-sus, F-sus, G-sus. That's just logic. That's just mathematical. And T-sus would always be fucking about. And P-sus does deliveries. C-sus started the Roman Empire. Cae-sus. F-sus, City in Turkey. B-sus was covered in something. Some people applauding there; other people going, "What?" ... B-sus was covered in bees.
I will be looking at an Armani shirt or a high end designer and flip the tag and I see made in India, I'm stuck with a real dilemma. I'm like 'Shit, do i buy this shirt or do I call my uncle. I wonder if he knows where this factory is.'
I’m not trying to catch the right formula and do that every night. That’s not fun for me. It’s all about spontaneity.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
When someone asks you, a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
There was a lot of stuff where we were doing scenes and we would bust out laughing - more on this movie than ever, where you can't finish scenes. I hope we didn't mess up the movie.
We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile.