Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory

75 quotes

For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.

Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.

Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.

So why would I want to call myself a conservative after the way them white racist thugs have used that word to hide behind? They call themselves new Republicans.

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.'

Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.

Once we used to have to crank up our cars, now you can pop it on from inside your house. Everything has changed except how we get freedom.

Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?