Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory
For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.
Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
If it wasn't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market.
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.
Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.
You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We're the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.
People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.
I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
So why would I want to call myself a conservative after the way them white racist thugs have used that word to hide behind? They call themselves new Republicans.