Quotes & Jokes by Dick Gregory
For a black man, there's no difference between the North and the South. In the South, they don't mind how close I get, as long as I don't get too big. In the North, they don't mind how big I get, as long as I don't get too close.
Once we used to have to crank up our cars, now you can pop it on from inside your house. Everything has changed except how we get freedom.
People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
Love is man's natural endowment, but he doesn't know how to use it. He refuses to recognize the power of love because of his love of power.
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.'
Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.
Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
The universe is not rich enough to buy the vote of an honest man.
So why would I want to call myself a conservative after the way them white racist thugs have used that word to hide behind? They call themselves new Republicans.
Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.'